How to flirt.
The art of flirting or…how to play with friends and strangers
French guys in Toulouse — artisanal barbers
These guys hung out for hours on our little street just waiting to chat or flirt with anyone who walked by, in a very nice blue way.
Maybe I need to practice my flirty look. My nephew recommends ‘the Chad look’ — staring at someone ominously.
I’ve been dancing a lot of tango. One of my favorite traditions is the cabeceo. Basically, if you want to dance with someone you need to make eye contact and prolong it. This is easier said than done in a dark room with middle-aged people who wear glasses. And yet, somehow the laser beams lock, the eyebrows waggle a tidge and the smile comes and then we dance.
You can’t do it on Zoom or in a selfie. You need another person in the flesh, and you need desire.
Do you remember how to flirt, how to connect, how to open your heart’s little door to people and usher them in?
You might be nervous about overstepping, about assuming or about being rejected but I think we have been erring on the side of caution.
People are still lonely. Flirting can be a momentary and pleasant connection or the start of a new friendship or just a way to get a jolt of positive attention.
Here are five little reminders inspired by tango:
1. Take the lead. Look longer at people, move closer to them, introduce yourself, step into their zone. Ask someone to ‘dance’ which could just be a conversation, a laugh together or an expression of curiosity. You never know who might like to follow your lead even if it’s just for the length of a single song.
2. Expect a yes. People want to know you. You have something to offer. When someone asks me to dance and they really want to dance, I will most likely say yes. You are fabulous.
3. Lean in from your own axis. Make sure that you are resourced, balanced and lighthearted. Do your affirmations or jumping jacks so that your flirting comes from a place of equilibrium. You are offering something, not taking something.
4. Tell more…and ask more. Share a little story or factoid about who you are and then ask them an echo of that. e.g. I just took an online Spanish test and it made me very nervous…have you been tested recently? I’m trying to run faster and it’s hard….do you have strong feet?
5. Invite, find out more, try the next step. A colleague of mine saw someone he found quite attractive at Costco. He had no information about her and so he gathered up his courage, approached her (they had already been smiling at each other), and asked — are you attached? The answer was no and they have recently moved in together. You can ask the question or you can invite the person to a coffee. If they say no, that is okay. It doesn’t mean anything about you. Be daring. Be nice.
